Humor: You Got The Hookup?

A Unique Plight

One of the rights of passage that blacks in small business must endure is the freebie expected by associates. Why do family and friends believe they're entitled to your services 24-7 when they've never lifted a reciprocal finger on your behalf?

A doctor receives an urgent call from relatives that Cousin Louella needs the cure for lung cancer now but will be held liable when she smoked cigarettes like a chimney for 40 years. The lawyer is admonished that June Bug must be free today although he clearly doesn't have an alibi, smells like a "pound of sess" and where'd he get that new 50-inch plasma from without working Mookie really needs a free haircut from his local barber and can pay ASAP after La Amistad returns from Freetown. Indeed, I fondly recall from my real estate days those pals who passed on home acquisition by traveling the straight and narrow path:

1. Get PRE-APPROVED
2. FIND a House
3. COMPLETE Paperwork
4. CLOSE!

Who knows? Perhaps they beat me like a piñata for market analyses and rode my tires bald because they liked seeing their favorite agent starve. Perhaps they really believed that the shady mortgage broker really could get them a 100% loan with poor credit. Wunderbar!

Personal Accountability is one of the best things left in the United States of America. For instance, you can still undertake purchasing a home or defending yourself in court if you understand the pros and cons. Save some money. Why not, right? Realizing I needed dental work and in stark contrast to the something-for-nothing scenarios described above, I approached a dental professional who's done excellent work for 25-30 years. For the clueless, here's how I got the help I needed:

1. I went to his office.
2. I inquired about the costs of the required procedures.
3. I arrived at my appointment on time.
4. I paid him for the procedure (and yes, my grill is tight).

Notably, I didn't insult him with the following stereotypical scenarios:

1. "You got the hook-up, holler if you hear me!"
2. Ask for free dental work since I had no insurance.
3. Ask for extended time to pay my bill.
4. "Poor mouth" him just because... you know how we can be with each other.

If you're LF3 (Leaning on Family and Friends for Freebies), wake up and smell the coffee, please! Otherwise, here's some snappy comebacks for your favorite small business parasite:

Come over and fix your computer after your Geek Squad visit failed? Dude, you should've bought a Dell.

You want to see some houses but aren't pre-approved? Here's a phone book for contacting lenders and real estate companies.

You need yet another emergency loan and promise to pay it back this time? What about all those other unpaid loans? Where's my money and where's my mama's money?

Somebody out there feels me and knows "the touch" all too well. Sing the blues freely but don't you dare ignore those pseudo-911 calls from Mookie because he'll tell Big Mama and you know she doesn't need to be agitated with her high blood pressure and all... Wait a minute, is that Jerome on TV? Can he get tickets to the big game? Word? Holler atcha' boy for me, then!